There are times when I rush through the days and weeks, moving so quickly that I barely pause to notice the abundance of life happening while I’m “busy getting things done.” The priority of the day is often working on my to-do list, knowing that I will never accomplish everything. With my little ones at home, I sometimes find myself on autopilot—dinner, bath, books, bedtime, repeat—and fail to capture moments of laughter or their need to connect. The stressors of life circle through my mind, taking up so much space that it becomes hard to sleep, be present with others, or find stillness.

From time to time, particularly when life has many demands, I struggle to be present and connected in the way I would like. Recently, I wondered, what do we miss out on when we are not fully present?

When we are not present in our daily lives, it can be hard to pinpoint what we are missing, but we feel it—emptiness, disconnection, or longing for something more. We all experience this from time to time; it is part of the human condition that many of us struggle to accept. We are hardwired to protect ourselves by avoiding the uncomfortable, attempting to control the outcomes of all that overflows from our plates. Somewhere in our evolution, we learned how to disconnect from and even fear the wisdom that lies beneath the surface of our daily thoughts.

When we examine this state of being more closely, we can appreciate the drivers of not being present and acknowledge how easy it is to fall into this cycle of not embracing the fullness in our lives. Perhaps there is pain or loss, shame or fear, that we are trying to avoid by numbing our emotions, overworking, detaching from relationships, or detaching from our own hopes and dreams. Perhaps there are simply too many things in our lives to manage—our responsibilities have exceeded our capacity, and our minds are trying to keep us afloat by silently repeating the tasks at hand over and over. Or perhaps we are not fully present simply because we aren’t sure how; we never learned the skills or haven’t been practicing, slowing down, being mindful, and connecting with the here and now.

But maybe it is just the human condition to avoid? Avoiding the present means that we might be able to escape the unpleasant emotions that await. If we aren’t present to what is important to us, to what we want, what we need, then we don’t risk the heartbreak or shame if we fail to achieve those things. Maybe so…but what are we missing out on as a result?

Those feelings that you are trying to avoid—what might they tell you if you listened closely? If you wrapped your arms around them with compassion and grace, would they break you? Or maybe you would see yourself as truly human and realize that there are choices you could make to connect with all of the other human emotions and experiences—like love, joy, wonder, and fulfillment.

Imagine how your relationships could transform, if you slowed down, asked your mind to pause the problem solving and just listened. What do you see in the way their eyes meet yours? What might they need from you in that moment? Or maybe they are wanting to give you support. How might these moments of empathy and connection open up possibilities for transformation, for compassion, for love?
Despite how challenging it might feel, when we create space to be in silence with your own mind, when we stop the doing (just for a little while) and listen closely, we can become present to the unspoken wisdom lying beneath the surface. What do you hear in the silence? Is it whispering about what is most important, what you need in your life, and what steps you should take? Is it whispering an idea that you could bring to life?

So, what are you missing out on by not being present? The answer is for you alone. But it is there. Slow down, listen, and connect with all the parts and pieces of yourself, even the uncomfortable parts. Find yourself behind the eyes of the people in your life, and see with clarity who you can be for each other through this wild ride.